- Admitting I’m a recovering perfectionist and my ability to work on this daily.
- My heart issues that started last fall, stopping me from burning the candles at both ends and from being a workaholic while allowing me the ability to become deeply in-tune to what my mind/body/spirit needs. That my body healed itself when I listened to it.
- Sale of our rental property. My level of perfection makes it hard to be a landlord. I prayed it would sell in 18 days. The 18th day, we signed the offer.
- A husband who is my opposite and grounds me in life, especially when I tend to be wound tight.
- God calling me to a place I didn’t want to be so I had the opportunity to rely on him for the miracles. He showed up daily through the challenge. It was a very humbling experience to obey while in a place I did not want to be.
- For the weight I gained during my heart issue because it has taught me to love myself unconditionally. Although I don’t plan on keeping it long term, the experience of having it has taught me that my self worth is not based upon a number on the scale.
- The letter that Joseph wrote me from his Language Arts class choosing me as the person who has made a profound impact on his life. That I inspire him through difficult times and motivate him to strive for success. That he appreciates all I have done for him. I will never forget the emotions I felt opening up that letter in the mail.
- For wrestling with my dad and brother growing up. It has helped me fulfill one of Joseph’s love languages.
- Reading the book Boundaries and the positive impact that it has made in me saying “yes” to the things I really want, “no” to the things that don’t serve my purpose, and “I can’t” to honor my limitations. It has allowed me to become much more intentional.
- Our dog Stone and the unconditional love he shows us and the humor his personality brings to our lives.
- All the time I took away from Facebook this year to just self-reflect and work on personal development. I needed a quiet space to be away from the temptation to compare.
- My love for amateur photography to capture shots of my kids being in their element during sports. They cherish the yearly sports albums I make them.
- My degree in Conflict Resolution that has helped me live my best life having conversations of truth, effectively communicating difficult conversations and handling unhealthy people with dignity and respect. It has given me the gift of helping others understand a different perspective.
- My desire to never stop growing and learning.
- The ability to surrender to God. I like to do life my way. He has put me in circumstances that have forced me to put Him in the driver seat and walk this life hand in hand. Its so much more inspiring and fulfilling allowing Him to do more than I could do alone.
- For family and the support they bring.
- For our church family and the strength, prayer and weekly Biblical “grounding” they provide.
- For Sunday morning coffee with my great friend Val. We laugh, we cry, we listen, we celebrate and we challenge each other. Then we put the icing on the cake and go to church!
- Reading Judgement Detox and working through the exercises in the book to process periods in my life I was still emotionally holding on to.
- A marriage we never gave up on. Being opposites provides steep challenges when life alone can provide its course of hurdles, hardships and valleys. We never walked away. We have learned to point the finger inward instead of outward. We choose love when the feeling isn’t there. We honor and respect instead of coming from a place of who’s right vs who’s wrong. I am forever grateful for the difficult path we’ve been on because it has made us two much better people. I love how we honor and respect our differences now.
- Jonathan. He’s an empath like his mom. His love is fierce. I am in awe at his young age his ability and desire to honor his boundaries. I love his passion for music and how it fills his soul like it fills mine. We share the love for art and he still wants me to snuggle with him. He is pure sweet spunk.
- Joseph. He keeps me on my toes with his wit. He is charming and keeps me skilled in negotiation. He is spontaneous and courageous like I strive to be. I love being his mentor when he can be impulsive or emotional.
- Learning how valuable taking fifteen minutes to just sit next them at bedtime is before they are too old. That’s when they open their hearts to me. It’s the time where Joseph shares the depths of this day, both his dreams and struggles, and when I have the opportunity to mentor him the most. Jonathan chooses to pull me in close, wrap my arm around his chest and puts my hand in his. He doesn’t need to talk. He yearns for the security of love while drifting off to sleep. I used to struggle to live in the moment. I used to rush the bedtime routine to accomplish those last minute items on my to-do list before bed. No more. I now embrace this time.
- A clean bill of health after my mammogram in June. I was a nervous wreck and ball of anxiety. Health is wealth.
- For the small group of friends I have. I appreciate each of them and our walks or ladies nights at our house. The conversations and community of like minded women is always therapeutic.
- For working on not taking my life too seriously. Damn it’s hard for me.
- For creating a home that practices forgiveness, unconditional love, joy, laughter, grace, growth mindset, grit, playing board games and desiring more experiences than material things to fulfill our lives.
- The community that we live in.
- The desire for adventure and to try new things. The ability to adapt to change. To embrace flexibility vs being so planned and rigid as I was before.
- To consistently speak inner peace and love and no longer trying to be something more or different than who I truly am. I am enough. I am perfectly imperfect. I am a child of God, saved by Grace, not how perfect I can make my life. The understanding that if I do it all my way, I will completely miss my calling and why I’m here.
Progress not Perfection
Progress: it’s measured by the steps we take, not gaining immediate success. The dictionary defines it as “forward or onward movement toward a destination.”
In my past, I have never focused on progress, but rather perfection. All or nothing. I wanted success right away. If I didn’t get my nutrition right day after day, my workout in consistently through the week, or make dinner every night….”failure and start over” was spoken in my head. I would lose any momentum or traction I gained and would derail for weeks before I could try again. Or my mindset would be, if I couldn’t go “all in” then what was my point of even trying?
This got me nowhere but set back after set back. On the outside I looked like I had it all together, but inside I was a mess.
If I had a workout goal of exercising 4 times that week and by Thursday, I only worked out once….”I failed. I just can’t do this. I don’t have time. I will try again next week” would speak loudly in my head. And then even worse, when the next week came around, I didn’t have the motivation because I still felt defeated over week 1. And so the cycle would continue. Or, with my work/life balance, I had completely thrown in the towel for 3 years and had a pity party that this was just the way life was going to be. And I accepted it.
But if it’s not what we want, we can’t accept it. And if the big picture doesn’t feel attainable right now, we need to focus on progress, not perfection while we take the journey. We need to give ourselves a little grace and take it one day at a time.
This year as I have worked on balance, I replaced the word “perfection” with “progress.” I took away my “all or nothing” mentality, I shut down my “failure and start over” inner voice, and every day I loved myself for where I was at. I appreciate the progress I have gained in my nutrition as I continue to work towards getting more toned. I celebrate the 1.5 miles I run during my 3 mile course, even though I am not able to run the whole way yet. I am accepting the fact that I need to start over with my running endurance to try and prevent my knee from hurting again. I cherish the intentional time I have with my family when I am still striving toward even more quality time. (To name just a few.)
And if I don’t have it all together one day… that’s okay. Because I’m making progress. Change takes time.
I don’t have it together every day. None of us do. So if this post resonates with you, let’s stop putting so much pressure on ourselves to have everything just right.
Embrace where you are at.
Love yourself for who you are right now. It will help motivate you to get where you want to go.
Focus on progress not perfection.
Enjoy the journey. So much is missed trying to race to the finish line. Enjoy your progress and let it create character in you and perseverance. You won’t regret it.
I am enough and I choose me
I’m gonna be honest with you– this last month has been hard to maintain balance. Both boys started playing ball so we’ve been at the field 4 nights a week, work has been busier and we’ve had a lot filling our weekend schedule. I have had to fight keeping myself first and maintaining my wellness schedule for my mind, body and spirit.
So I feel like I need to be bold and share the words below with you, hopefully to inspire some of you as well as to hold myself accountable–
I choose me. I choose happiness, balance and contentment. I choose peacefulness with my family instead of scurry. I choose to fill up my cup and have mindfulness and gratitude so I can pour out onto others. I choose my superfood nutrition to nourish and fuel my body. I choose my faith to persevere. I choose joy because life is too short. I choose a high wall of protection to not be sucked into this world’s demands and expectations because I will never be enough.
I am enough and I choose me.